First, I want to say thanks to everyone out there who commented and re-posted and enjoyed the 10 Commandments For Drinking Like a Man article. It has been (and continues to be) a huge interweb success and the overwhelming majority of responses to the article were crazy-positive. Thanks to everyone who Stumbled it and Dugg it and emailed it and blogged about it and everything else, you guys kick ass.
The following is for the small group of folks who didn’t get it, who got bent out of shape about it, and generally showed their ignorant asses to the interweb on my page and elsewhere. If you’re not one of these people, feel free to skip this. Most of it I first wrote in a few comments to the original article, but I felt they deserved to be fleshed out and posted here so anyone who has cried somewhere on the web about the list can read it and share with other crybabies and maybe you can hold a ceremony in honor of it at your next Crybabies, Bedwetters, and Drooling Mouthbreathers Convention.
There are two reasons I wrote the 10 Commandments article:
1. For FUN, and…
2. To help show people that there is a better way…
I first started writing the articles after hearing from a ladyfriend of mine who had gone on a date with a guy who not only drank three Sex on the Beaches (or is it Sexes on the Beach?) and several frozen margaritas on their date, but bragged about it. My heart went out to the poor bastard, he didn’t know any better. My friend called me immediately after going out with this guy to laugh at and mock him (in all fairness, not only for his drink choices, but they were definitely a symptom of the overall problem). I thought, “Hey, I have the ability and website to help young men across the country to avoid this type of mockery and no-second-date-getting, I should put my powers to use for good.” So I did, and the 10 Commandments are what came out of that.
My only goal on this site is to INCREASE people’s enjoyment of drinking, and that if they set aside the sugar-laden syrupy frozen whatevertheshits they’re drinking for a minute and learn to enjoy the complexities and qualities that their booze has intrinsically from the start, they’ll begin to enjoy a world they never have before. Booze has so much to show us, so many secrets to whisper and so many places it can take us, and I want people to find these things and enjoy them like I have.
WAAAAAAH! Somebody said something I don’t like on the internet!
This small handful of malcontents have had such a violent, irrational, negative response to this article, and I’m mostly puzzled as to why. The best I can figure is that these are people who are so insecure with who they are or what they’re drinking that they get so flustered that when someone somewhere who doesn’t know them (namely, me) might be implying that they’re not 110% manly for their drink choices that they have to leap on their keyboards and pound with all their might, rushing to call me a latent homosexual (or conversely: homophobic. The haters are a confused bunch), sexist, douchey, and whatever other names they’re able to form through their furious impotent typing until they feel like they’ve regained sufficient “masculinity” to carry on with their lives (a variation on that is that they’re the insecure women who are with men who don’t drink exactly as I’ve written and feel the need to rush to their defense. Same thing in my book).
Honestly, drink whatever the hell you want. I’m just trying to help people be better drinkers, possibly open them up to things they haven’t tried before, and essentially spread the good news. If you’re on a date and the woman you’re with snickers when you order a Sex on the Beach (and she will), you can puff yourself up and bluster on and on about “real men don’t care what other people think”, but it’ll be clear to her and anyone else in earshot that if you didn’t care, you wouldn’t have such a knee-jerk defensive crybaby reaction. And you won’t get laid. Bonus for you! But you can’t say you weren’t warned (or rather, educated better).
So relax people. It’s the internet for crying out loud. If it makes you feel better about yourself to call me names and insist that you can drink Blue Razzatinis all day long and still be the manliest man who ever was, if that’s how you want to spend your time, then by all means: GO FOR IT! Be somebody!
I’ll still be here…drinking and writing, and having a blast doing it.
PS. No, you can’t drink me under the table. Speculate all you want, but if we ever met, and it ever went down, you would lose. I don’t write this because I’m a casual-sometimes-one-glass-of-red-wine-with-dinner drinker. I’m a professional, and I come by it honestly.