Once again the World Series of Beer Pong is upon us, and we’d be remiss not to mention the biggest event in competitive drinking since Hemmingway played as number 16 on the Idaho Inebriates. Stalwart competitors from across this great country gather every year in the world capital of alcoholism-denial and shotgun weddings/divorces/30-minute hooker interludes…a.k.a. Las Vegas Nevada (”Where dreams go to die!”) to toss balls and guzzle mass-produced American beers until they keel over in a drunken stupor, or (the much less-likely prospect) arise in the sweaty victory that only a blessed few reach in a lifetime (holy shit that was a long sentence). A surprising $50,000 (who knew drunks had that much spare cash?) goes to the victors, presumably to spend on more booze.
A quick read through the official rules illuminates a veritable treasure trove of heretofore undiscovered hilarity…to wit, “The Dipshit Rule”, which plainly states (we’re not making this up) “If TEAM1 knocks over one of it’s own cups, that dipshit’s team (TEAM1) loses that cup(s). However, if the other team (TEAM2) also contains dipshits not paying attention that do not catch the first team of dipshits (TEAM1) knocking over their cup, then TEAM1 may keep that cup.” Good to know. There are five more pages of this hops-and-barley-fueled genius available in the Official Rules, if you are so inclined.
So if you aren’t able to make it out there this January 1-5th to join in the fracas, the least you can do is host a game at your home to entertain the local savages…or if state law doesn’t permit such a flagrant display of debauchery, you can at the very least play online and pretend the ball in your hand isn’t just a figment of your gin-soaked brain. But seriously…take your shot already….just watch your elbow….. and when you’re done, for crying out loud RE-RACK!